Analytical Paper 2 Paragraph 3 Original

In Cathy Davidson’s “Project Classroom Makeover,” she recounts her experiences as Duke University’s head of new curriculum. She claims that the advent of the Internet and electronic media has changed the way its users learn. Kids “learned by googling” and were “socializing online.” (Davidson 49) Now, “knowledge making and play came bundled in a new way for… kids who, in their informal learning, were blurring that boundary.” (Davidson 49) As a professor and administrator, she realized that, while kids were learning differently and had all these new tools at their disposal, “their schools hadn’t changed much.” (Davidson 49) Davidson made the connection between the vast technological applications of the Internet and the basic approaches to education in order to create an iPod experiment, which gave iPods to college freshman to aid in their studies. At the time, the iPod “did not have a single known educational app.” (Davidson 48) By the time they were done, “[students] came up with far more learning app than anyone-even at Apple-had dreamed possible.” (Davidson 52) From downloading audio archives and recording lectures to collective learning and social networking, these kids started a new classroom culture where computers, tablets, and phones are commonplace and even welcomed in the school halls.

The peer review was helpful as they pointed out how there is too much summary of what happened and not enough analysis. There was also a lack of connection to the other essays. Finally, while the thesis was supported, the paragraph did nothing to develop it. Hopefully, the revised writing contains all the missing components and does a better job of communicating and connecting.