Draft essay: This phenomenon where different people collectively work together to produce organization and creativity is also a dynamic process. How society has organized itself has not been the same since the beginning of men. At first humans were nomads, scavenging food and resources in relatively small groups wherever they could. Later on, people started to expand their population and got more creative due to the discovery of pastoralism and agriculture surged. Society has evolved into what it is today, an organized complexity where every person contributes to its development. Education is one of the aspects that has changed significantly over the years. During the industrial revolution the schooling system’s aim was to produce efficient, obedient, fast laborers who could work on systemized jobs at factories. However, in modern times high schools focus on college preparation methods and standardized testing. As Davidson expresses, “Our national educational policy depends on standardized tests, but it is not at all clear that preparing students to achieve high test scores is equivalent to setting a high standard for what and how kids should know and learn” (Davidson 59). For this reason, people are coming up with innovative methods, such as crowdsourcing, as to how educate students. Davidson also brought into light that we need to find a new unique way to teach that will help the new generation’s talents flourish. (Davidson 50). Not just education has evolved, but pop-culture as well has experienced adjustments over time. Lethem wrote that “If nostalgic cartoonists had never borrowed from Fritz the Cat, there would be no Ren & Stimpy Show; without the Rankin/Bass and Charlie Brown Christmas specials, there would be no “South Park” (Lethem 214). Similarly, “Pyramus and Thisbe”, “Romeo and Juliet”, and “West Side Story” all share related plotlines but were all written in different centuries. The creators of these stories gathered various and earlier sources in order to create a piece more suitable for their contemporary societies. They basically modernized them. So the way that individuals contribute creatively to the organization of society is an ever changing process that serves to benefit the latest culture. 

Revised: This phenomenon where different people collectively work together to produce organization, creativity, and art also proves to be a dynamic process. How society has organized itself has not been the same since the beginning of men. At first humans were nomads, scavenging food and resources in relatively small groups wherever they could. Later on, people started to expand their population and got more creative due to the discovery of pastoralism and the surgence of agriculture. Society has evolved into what it is today, an organized complexity where every person contributes to its development. Education is one of the aspects that has changed significantly over the years. During the industrial revolution the schooling system’s aim was to produce efficient, obedient, fast laborers who could work on systemized jobs at factories. However, in modern times high schools focus on college preparation methods and standardized testing. As Davidson expresses, “Our national educational policy depends on standardized tests, but it is not at all clear that preparing students to achieve high test scores is equivalent to setting a high standard for what and how kids should know and learn” (Davidson 59). For this reason, people are coming up with innovative methods, such as crowdsourcing, as to how educate students. Davidson also brought into light that we need to find a new unique way to teach that will help the new generation’s talents flourish. (Davidson 50). If the education system continues to focus on teaching children how to answer a multiple choice test, we are in a way diminishing the importance of specific talents such as singing, drawing, designing, coding, etc. Who knows if these children could contribute to society in the future if we let them express themselves and broaden their gifts.  Not just education has evolved, but pop-culture as well has experienced adjustments over time. Lethem wrote that “If nostalgic cartoonists had never borrowed from Fritz the Cat, there would be no Ren & Stimpy Show; without the Rankin/Bass and Charlie Brown Christmas specials, there would be no “South Park” (Lethem 214). Similarly, “Pyramus and Thisbe”, “Romeo and Juliet”, and “West Side Story” all share related plotlines but were all written in different centuries. The creators of these stories gathered various and earlier sources in order to create a piece more suitable for their contemporary societies. They basically modernized them. Similarly, if you try to present the original version of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet in a high school classroom the same way it was performed when it was first written, chances are the students will get bored. Nevertheless, if you take them to see one of the modern adaptations which have been turned into musicals or that take place in modern times, their reactions might be different. This is because the movie and theater industry comprehend that times have changed and to be able to entertain the new generation while also presenting them the classics, adaptations must be made to the old.  So the way that individuals contribute creatively to the organization of society is an ever changing process that serves to benefit the latest culture.

 My peers recommended that I further explained my arguments with more examples to better understand my main idea. In this paragraph I added some more examples that are not from the three texts to make my point more relevant to our modern society. I also felt that  I needed to add some more explanation on Davidson's quote to emphasize its importance. Finally I fixed some grammatical errors. The sentences that I added support my thesis: when people come together they produce a creative organized complexity that helps the development of the society. The educational method example offers an example of how creativity improves the education system and therefor the future of society . The Romeo and Juliet  exemplification supports the idea that collective intelligence is a dynamic process.